


Trouble in Paradise

by Inkribbon796



Series: Accidental Wingman Anti [2]
Category: Jacksepticeye Fandom, Markiplier fandom - Fandom
Genre: Accidental wingman Anti, Anti pretends not to care, Dark doesn’t know to make friends, He Cares A Lot, M/M, Pre-Darkstache, discussion of infedility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkribbon796/pseuds/Inkribbon796
Summary: Anti just wants Dark to be less annoying, it’s not that he cares. He would never pretend to care about Dark’s well-being. So he goes to continue his mission of trying to officially get Dark and Wil together.
Relationships: darkstache
Series: Accidental Wingman Anti [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758616
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	Trouble in Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Slight continuation of my Eye of the Beholder fic I did a while back. Non-superhero story. I just like doing things with Anti and Dark’s begrudging, totally “non-existing” friendship.

“Get over here,” one of the still-conscious thugs snarled at Anti, both of them in a back parking lot, hidden from the main road or from other building that to the trees. Whether it was adrenaline, or the realization that he was going to die anyways and wanted to get one last hit on the glitch demon that had killed the rest of his friends.

Anti just smiled as the guy dropped his empty gun and pulled out a knife.

“Oh,” Anti glitched out the very air around them, the fear from the guy was palpable. Anti lived for this. “Yah’ve got guts, I’ll give ye that,” that Anti chuckled. “Maybe I’ll only send yah half dead to that loan shark.”

“Not my fault you messed with his computer,” the thug threatened.

“Maybe he shouldn’ta been tryin’ ta hack my files,” Anti growled as he took a couple steps forward, happy at the fear in his eyes.

“Hey, Anti, quick question,” Wilford suddenly appeared next to him.

Anti startled at the mad reporter’s sudden appearance, it let the thug get Anti in the side with the knife. He cursed and stabbed the guy in response. “Bit busy, arsehole!”

“Oh, pardon me,” Wilford took out his gun and shot the guy Anti was fighting. The man screamed, and fell to the ground, not getting back up.

Anti glared at Wil. “Kill stealing, shitbag.”

“Ah, he’ll get back up,” Wilford dismissed, pocketing his gun. “This is important. I need you to come with me.”

“How about yah tell me about yer bullshit scheme, an’ I tell yah if I wan’ in,” Anti countered.

Wilford groaned. “Fineeeeeeee!”

Anti gestured for him to continue.

“Alright, so, I was thinking that I’ve kinda been slacking off a bit with my relationship with Dark,” Wilford explained. “Mine and Dames’s anniversary is coming up.”

“Dames?” Anti repeated.

“And I was hoping you could help me with some ideas,” Wilford admitted.

All Anti could give for a response was just to stare at Wilford. “What do I look like? Fookin’ Casanova?”

“Anti, please,” Wilford’s eyes were almost like a puppy dog, grabbing onto his shoulders and pulling him dangerously close. Close enough for Anti to consider stabbing him. “You and Dark are similar creatures. Please help me.”

“No, we’re not. ‘Sides, what am I supposed to do?” Anti scoffed. “Get the guy a bear trap or somethin’.”

Wilford rolled his eyes, “Anti, _please_ , Dark has standards, he’s a creature of refinement.”

“Then get ‘im a golden bear trap,” Anti groaned. “You’re asking me on ways to make up to your boyfriend about the amount of side-ass you’ve been getting. I’ve never cared what Dark wants.”

“Please, I’ll owe you a favor,” Wilford begged.

“Fine!” Anti punctuated it with cursing.

“Thank you,” Wilford kissed him on the cheek.

“Get off ‘a me,” Anti cussed and pushed the reporter off of him. “If you’re so in love with him, why don’t you tell him.”

“I thought I was,” Wilford huffed. “Apparently it wasn’t good enough.”

The glitch demon dragged his hand down his face, “Yer gonna be the death ‘a me. Look, I’m busy now, meet me here to tomorrow, and I can get yah a bear trap and we’ll think of something.”

“I knew I could count on you,” Wilford grinned, finally the glitch demon left, and Anti took out his knife again. If he couldn’t get back at that loan shark by beating up his goons, Anti would just take his aggression on the guy himself.

As it turned out, getting Wilford and Dark actually on _“boyfriend”_ terms was almost impossible. Dark was always in his office, arms deep in work. He almost never left his desk, or the mountain of paperwork in front of him.

So Wil and Anti started off just spitballing ideas. They’d start talking in a random place and eventually it would just turn to them causing trouble on the other side of town.

Anti was pretty sure somewhere along the way they stepped on Dark’s toes because they ran into him somewhere in the middle of picking a fight with a bunch of guys in suits and Dark dragged Wil back to the Manor, literally by his ear.

After a couple of times, each time they got involved with different types of people, Dark started just letting them go and wreak havoc. He would only intervene if they stepped on his parts of the city. They didn’t get much done for Wilford’s planning, but Anti had to admit it was fun to watch Silver and Jackie trying to combat them. The other Egos mostly staying out of their way.

Wilford and Anti were coming back late one night, Wilford finally sticking to an idea for the first time since they’d started what Anti could only call: Stab and Chill. Because they were too distracted to do anything else.

The mad reporter had an excited giddy smile, “Today’s the day.”

“Took ye long enough, you jittery prick,” Anti scoffed. “Go talk ta ‘em and leave me the hell alone.”

The reporter hugged Anti, making the glitch kick and bite him on the arm, which Wilford just laughed at. They walked over to Dark’s office and then Wilford came to a dead halt in front of the door.

“What’s up?” Anti asked, but was shushed by Wil.

Now that it was actually quiet, Anti could hear Dark and Bim arguing in the entity’s office.

“What did I do?” Bim demanded.

“I’m not here to treat you like a child, Trimmer!” Dark shouted, his ringing almost deafening, Wilford froze at how angry the entity sounded. “Get your act together and for once in your life, act like a damn adult!”

The door to Dark’s office flew open as Bim walked out, “Well at least I’m not taking out my problems onto someone else!”

“Just get out!” Dark shouted and his aura looked dangerously close to taking Bim’s head off. But Bim was already leaving and missed decapitation by inches.

Glaring back at Dark he left and immediately spotted Wil and Anti. Bim looked furious, almost on the verge of tears.

“Your boyfriend’s an ass,” Bim spat at Wilford. “He keeps doing this to me and I’ll hit him. He’s singled me out.”

Without even letting Wilford answer him or think about defending either Bim or Dark, he stomped away.

Watching him go, Wilford frowned, his top lip and mustache twitching, “This is more serious than I thought. Anti, keep him distracted, I have an idea.”

“Ye can’t be serious,” Anti groaned.

“I’ll be five minutes tops,” Wilford promised.

Indignant, there was a hushed argument between the two, right outside Darks office. Anti, at that point didn’t even know why they were even pretending when Dark could probably hear every word they were saying. Bim had left the door wide open when he left.

In the end Wilford rolled his eyes and disappeared. Anti angrily glitched, cursing at the spot where the mad reporter had been standing. After some thought, Anti threw stepped into Dark’s office.

“Hey, Dark-osaurus Rex,” Anti grinned. Dark just glared at him, the ringing that always accompanied the entity pitched up sharply.“What’s eating at ye?”

Dark scratched his hand down his face. “Just because Wilford had taken an interest in you, does not mean you can come to my office or my home uninvited.”

“Kay, first off, rude; second, I’m not uninvited, Wilf let me in,” Anti corrected.

Dark broke his pen with his bare hand and glared at Anti. “I did not invite you, Wilford knows he can’t just bring people like you over.”

“Like me?” Anti scoffed.

“Yes, Wilford knows he shouldn’t bring his paramours home with him,” Dark threw his broken pen in the waste bin underneath his desk in disgust. His aura stripped the ink from his skin and suit.

It took Anti a second to remember what that word meant. “Hey, I told yah, I’m not boning the candy cane. I’m not touching anything that’s been that close ta yer old sack ‘a meat. Don’t know how many times I have to tell ye.”

“I don’t know why you insist on lying to me about it,” Dark was already turning back to the mountain of papers on his desk. “You and Wilford have been spending an inordinate amount of time together, and he had been incessantly annoying every time he mentions you.”

Anti resisted the urge to scream with every fiber of his being. He was going to stab Wil when he got back, especially if the idiot was going to keep shooting himself in the foot like this. “We’re not always together,” the glitch demon defended. “Yer blowin’ that way outta proportion.”

Dark stopped and pulled a legal notebook out from a stack of papers, somehow keeping the whole stack of papers upright and mostly aligned. “I like to keep an ear to the ground when it comes to Wilford’s expenses. So I can find him when he goes missing, or freeze his accounts when he gets out of control.”

“Yer the possessive type, then,” Anti scoffed.

Dark gave him a withering look, then turned back to his notepad. “In the past 36 hours you and Wil have managed to spend five hundred dollars in food, flowers, and knives.”

“Only five?” Anti huffed.

Dark threw his notepad down angrily, “Anti, I am busy, whether Wilford spends a week or fifteen years wasting my time talking about you, it makes no difference to me.”

“Seems like it kinda does,” Anti goaded.

“If I knew you would be this insufferable about it, I would have discorporated you outside that bar,” Dark spat.

The glitch demon studied Dark, “Whoa, hold up, are _you_ jealous?”

Dark shoved up from his chair, “Don’t presume, you insufferable child.”

“Oh this is rich, ye are,” Anti smiled. “That’s why yer so pissed.”

As Anti was having a bit of a laugh at Dark’s expense, Dark’s aura grabbed Anti by the throat.

“I’m done with this conversation,” Dark decided. “I’m going to look forward to the reprieve. Last time you were out for a full month. Let’s make it two.”

“What?” Anti managed to choke out. “Fraid’a little friendly competition?”

Dark’s aura began to tighten on Anti’s throat. “You are neither friendly, nor competition.”

“Hey, Darkling,” Wilford walked in, in a yellow suit with a pink shirt, holding something behind his back. “Oh, are you having fun?”

“Not now, Wil,” Dark spat, Anti reflexively kicked and fought against Dark’s literal stranglehold. Anti was sure if he was inhabiting a host or mortal, his throat would have been crushed into dust by now.

“Before you finish, I have something for you,” Wil teased. Dark groaned and looked at the reporter, only to have Wilford pull a large bouquet of tall black tulips, a purple tinge to each flower, tied up with a gray ribbon that had red and blue thread woven into the edges of it. “For you.”

Dark blinked, owlishly, as he stared at the flowers, releasing Anti just enough for the glitch demon to free himself. “What do you mean for me? It’s not my birthday.”

“I wanted to get something nice for you,” Wilford told Dark, and then kissed him on the cheek. “I like doing nice things for you.”

The entity froze, his shell fracturing a bit, one of his copies flinching away from Wil. But Dark took the flowers. “I brought dinner, I’ll go set the table?”

“Sounds like a wonderful idea,” Dark told him.

Wilford winked and then disappeared.

“See?” Anti gave Dark a rather cheeky, snide look. “I’m not chasing your toy.”

Dark rolled his eyes and showed Anti away with his aura, summoning a vase for his new flowers. “Don’t ruin my mood, glitch.”

“Seriously though, I’m not actually interested in him,” Anti told Dark. “He’s a dumb piece of shit, an’ the havoc we wreck together is amazin’. But I’d only fook ‘im ta spite ah, an’ even then, I’d still get bored immediately.”

Dark didn’t seem to be hearing him, tracing the individual flowers.

“Sides, Wilford makes ye a little less pathetic and annoyin’,” Anti reminded. “I’m all fer that.”

“Your commentary on my personal affairs is unnecessary,” Dark dismissed.

“Wow, that’d stick if ye ever had any in the first place,” Anti shot back. “Still, if that fookwad starts getting grabby with anyone else, tell me so I can kick his teeth in.”

“I told you, I don’t—” Dark began, turning away for the flowers for the first time in their new conversation.

“Yeah, yeah, just go have fun with yer boyfriend,” Anti dismissed. “An’ spare me the details, if I wanted ta be sick, I’d download a virus.”

Before Dark could keep arguing with him, Wilford came back up and the two had a nice evening. Dinner, and Wilford dragged Dark off to see a movie, despite Dark’s attempts to get back to work. The two of them enjoying their evening.


End file.
